I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
She said her name was "party"
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
