I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
