is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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