There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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