Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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