I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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