..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
