So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
