There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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