You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
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