he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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