There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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