i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
