Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize