he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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