i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
