I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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