Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
