with your own penis?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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