Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
