your parents love me but you hate me
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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