I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Alive.
So much puke
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
