we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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