what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i just had sex bonerless
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
