I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
