Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
