if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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