Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
