He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
