So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
