You made me cry and you don't even care
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
