It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
did you just send me my own nude
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
