Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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