ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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