If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize