Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
