Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
we're making bets on your personal life
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize