we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize