You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
