Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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