i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
