these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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