someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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