Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
