The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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