just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
