I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Houston, we have a blender
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
