If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
