I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
