Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
