I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Come see our sink grown plant.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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