Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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