Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
