chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
