my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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