I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
