You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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