i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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