i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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