marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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