my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
