if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
