You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The air was thick with penises
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
